Losing a loved one to alzheimers or dementia it is always difficult, it can feel more complicated because it’s almost like we start to grieve for our loved one whilst they are still physically here, and that can bring up some complex feelings and emotions. This poem by Dick Underwood really touches on this feeling, and is always an emotive read at celebrations of life.
You Didn’t Die Just Recently
You didn’t die just recently,
You died some time ago.
Although your body stayed a while,
And didn’t really know.
For you had got Alzheimer’s,
You failed to comprehend.
Your body went on living.
But your mind had reached its end.
So we’ve already said, “Goodbye”,
To the person that we knew.
The person that we trully loved,
The person that was, “You”.
And so we meet again today,
To toast your bodies end.
For it was true and faithful,
Until right at the end.
And so, when we remember,
We’ll think of all the rest.
We’ll concentrate on earlier,
And remember all the best.
For in the real scheme of things,
Your illness wasn’t long.
Compared to all the happiness,
You brought your whole life long.
We think of you as yesterday,
When you were fit and well.
And when we’re asked about you,
It’s those things that we’ll tell.
And so we meet in ‘membrance,
Of a mind so fit and true.
We’re here to pay our last respects
To say that, “We love you”.
by Dick Underwood 2010 ©
Do Not Ask Me to Remember
Do not ask me to remember,
Don’t try to make me understand,
Let me rest and know you’re with me,
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I’m confused beyond your concept,
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me,
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can’t help the way I’m acting,
Can’t be different though I try.
Just remember that I need you,
That the best of me is gone,
Please don’t fail to stand beside me,
Love me ’til my life is done.
Owen Darnell
You can get help and support from the Alzheimer’s Society, who offer advice and guidance.
Dementia UK also offer support through their Admiral Nursing teams.